We need to take the right actions to save our children fast. Too many of them are dying or are desperate and thinking of ending their lives.
The Hong Kong Special Administrative Region government is introducing a new three-tier system to identify children at risk of suicide and offer them professional help and priority for follow-ups with psychiatric services.
Unfortunately, although this will certainly help somewhat, the intervention often comes too late and does not address the real issues. Moreover, given that our resources for psychiatric services are tight, the proposed approach may divert resources away from those who have already identified themselves and are now in the queue desperately waiting for professional support.
The real issues have to do with a mindset, prevalent among many schoolchildren, that is ill-equipped to face the many challenges that confront them each day. Given this fact, a common and natural response is, “We should reduce the sources of the pressures with fewer examinations and tests and less schoolwork,” or “We should promote positive thinking and advocate optimism and hope.” But we cannot shield children from pressures forever. In real life, pressures come from all directions. For those who are ill-equipped to cope with the pressures, even those pressures that are not that big to most people may still be too big for them. More importantly, optimism and hope have to be founded on correct understanding and the formation of good habits that foster self-efficacy and resilience. Without correct understanding, and without the necessary habits that benefit growth, pressures and anxiety will build up, and tragic consequences will follow.
More than 10 years ago, I developed a course at Lingnan University called “Understanding Life and Happiness”, hoping that the course will give students the “growth mindset” they need so that they will transform the challenges that they face in life into nutrients for personal growth. I wrote a book on “the economics of life”, arguing that life is the scarcest resource that we have, because each day gone is gone forever, and our limited lifespan will be shorter by one day. The economics of life is about how to make the most out of life given the constraints that we face. The constraints are things that we have to accept as given. Importantly, instead of worrying and complaining about them, we should simply focus on things that are within our control and do the best we can, subject to those constraints, to make the most out of our limited lifespan. Only in this way can we discover and realize the potential that life has bestowed upon us.
Our ultimate objective is to live the full life that we are capable of living. This is “self-actualization”, and this is only possible with discipline and self-reflection. Parents and teachers who keep their eyes on academic results instead of on the personal development of their children and students are creating unnecessary pressures on them, driving them to unhappiness and anxiety
While examinations are indeed a source of pressure on children and youngsters, the pressures are not intrinsic to the examinations if from an early age we have acquired the attitude that more important than the results is whether we have put in an honest effort and whether we have done the best we can. If we have not put in an honest effort and have made mistakes in the way we plan our studies and in the way we conducted ourselves during the examinations, we can correct ourselves and do better next time. This is learning, and through learning from mistakes we grow up and become stronger, better people. If we have put in an honest effort, and have done the best we can, there is nothing to regret. Parents and teachers should nurture among students this attitude: Always do the best you can, and then take the results lightly. Moreover, “doing the best we can” does not mean going overboard to “overstudy” and “undersleep”, leading to deprivation of sleep and recreational activities.
Getting good results in examinations and getting a place in a prestigious university is great, but that is not by itself “success in life”. Good examination results, a place in a prestigious university, and a degree from a prestigious university are at most achieving an “instrumental goal”. Many “well-educated” people may not be happy and may even be depressed. They may not know how to handle relationships and to handle their own lives. Moreover, even people without a university degree may achieve a great career. Our ultimate objective is to live the full life that we are capable of living. This is “self-actualization”, and this is only possible with discipline and self-reflection. Parents and teachers who keep their eyes on academic results instead of on the personal development of their children and students are creating unnecessary pressures on them, driving them to unhappiness and anxiety.
Another source of unhappiness among youngsters comes from their excessive concern over how other people look at them. This problem is particularly serious among those who spend a lot of time on social media. Young people’s emotions are often too easily swayed by cyberbullying or approval from “friends” in social media. Given the toxicity of today’s social media, parents and teachers need to alert them to the risks of spending too much time on social media. They should help them develop a sense of self-worth through conducting their lives in the way they truly desire.
The author is director of the Pan Sutong Shanghai-Hong Kong Economic Policy Research Institute, Lingnan University.
The views do not necessarily reflect those of China Daily.
